The First 48 hours living with C

                             *******************2013*****************

I'm sure you have heard my story "Cancer Story". What you haven't heard is about the phone call that changed my life and the begging God for this not to be true. Before I tell you about my first 48 hours of living with cancer let me give you a quick recap of my cancer journey.

It all begins with our fresh start, otherwise know as moving to Jewett. Matt and I had already quit our jobs, sold the house and were moving to a new town where we knew no one. I had already had my first surgery to take out half of my thyroid because I had five nodules on it. The doctor assured us everything looked great and he even moved my parathyroid glands from my left over to my right thyroid. He said I was his last patient before he left on vacation for a week in Colorado because he knew my surgery would be easy. That was a Wednesday. Austin, Matt's oldest son, had his senior pictures that week with Teri Mason Photography and on Friday morning we were scheduled for the image presentation and order appointment. That begins the rest of the story.

THE FIRST 48

When we got in the truck from our appointment there was a number on my phone that I didn't recognize. When I called my voicemail the message was from the doctor. He asked us not to call his cell phone but please call his office. They would then get in touch with him and he would be calling me shortly. Matt and I both knew this wasn't good. I don't remember saying a whole lot on the ride home.

When we got home the house was so quiet. Tommy & Cathy (Matt's parents) had the kids. Every time the phone ring my heart would jump out of my chest with anticipation. When the doctor finally called his exact words were, "I'm so sorry, you have thyroid cancer." The cancer was no bigger then my pinky nail, but the nodule that had cancer had been laying on my right side. The side that he left in. The doctor got home from his vacation on Wednesday and he wanted to see me first thing Thursday morning. He said I had the good cancer. As if there is such a thing.

I remember standing in Matt's arms with his body around mine so tight. We didn't say a word just stood there trying to take in what the doctor had said. The moment I finally got my composure is when I heard both our heart beats beating together as one. I knew it was time to let go and face what God had in store.

Now here is where I tell you we called all the family and friends and they rushed over. NO WE COULDN'T. You see my mom was at my step brothers wedding in Washington and I didn't want to ruin his big day and mom had looked forward to the trip for months. Why worry her when there was nothing she could do. Next was calling my dad. Nope, I couldn't tell him because he was having a surprise 60th birthday party and I didn't want to ruin that. My sisters were going to the party and I knew they would be upset so they were out as well. Darla had worked so hard planning Dad's birthday party I just didn't want my news to ruin it. We couldn't call Matt's parents because they had the kids and we wanted to make sure they didn't know anything till we told them.

We were alone. We just begged for answers to why. I remember laying my head on Matt's chest listening for his heartbeat and thinking, say something, don't say anything, breathe. I took all that as a sign from God that Matt and I were to fight this battle together. Only us.

We made a pact not to Google anything online about thyroid cancer and not to share the news with our Facebook community at all. We kept the information we did receive from the doctor private and still do to this day.

By now if you have been reading my blog you probably think you know all about me so it will be no surprise that on that very first night I told Matt I needed a "theme" shirt to wear to the doctor the next week.  At that point I could have asked for a trip to the Turks and Caicos and he would have said yes. Instead I just wanted a theme shirt. I got on Esty looking for a thyroid cancer shirt and I didn't like any of them. I did however find a saying I liked. I contacted a complete stranger about getting my shirt made and it was while talking to her that I said for the very first time I HAVE CANCER. There it was in black and white- I HAVE CANCER. I'm sure I wasn't that dramatic but then again I could have been. She not only made the shirt, she had it to me in less then four days and it was perfect. Since that time she and I have had a weird bond. We have never met in person but I feel she is my dear friend. One day last year I wasn't feeling well and I sent her a Facebook message telling her that and the next morning I had emergency surgery for my appendix. It's funny that a complete stranger was the only one I felt safe talking to that night and almost three years later I still confide my medical stuff to her. Jodi Ahlquist thanks for making time for a complete stranger that night.

Matt and I didn't get any sleep that night so we decided to pack our 3000 square foot house in less then 48 hours. At one point we were so delirious we decided to make a fort with the boxes and for just a few hours locked our troubles away and acted like young kids. The next morning we did start telling our family and very FEW friends. Of course you know that one friend. The one that when you are telling her the news you know she is getting in her car driving as you are talking and shows up with dinner for an army, anything and everything my heart could desire, marching orders for Matt on just how to take care of me, and with out hesitation offers to help cover my insurance deductible for my second surgery because we spent all our money on the first one. Well of course that would be Nicole Brzozowski. I'm sure Matt wanted to kill her for bossing him around that day but he never said a word. To this day I always say she saved my life not only by being there but by helping pay for the second surgery so Matt and I didn't have to worry about it.   


Those first 48 hours are a blur and yet stand out in my memory. While I have told you a lot of little details I wish I could tell you how I felt. I wish I could tell you that even thought I knew God had it all under control I was scared to death. I wish I could tell you I was strong and secure in knowing everything would be okay, but I wasn't. I might have put up a good front on the outside but on the inside I knew I was dying. I asked myself who was going to raise my kids, who was going to glitter paint the money for the tooth fairy, who was going to take pictures of my kids each and everyday so they had current Amber Alert pictures, and on and on the list goes. I cried out WHY ME and waited for an answer. An answer that was a long time in coming. Which brings me to today.

I have been almost cancer free for three years now and Matt and I still deal with anything related to my thyroid or my cancer very privately. So when Kristy asked me to go to a Relay for Life event back in 2014, I was like no, not happening. She is a little persuasive. We had a team that year called the three fighting families. When I left Relay it made me realize so many people fight the same battle, ride the roller coaster and feel alone. That night helped close a chapter in my life in a way I can't explain. Tonight is this year's Relay for Life and Matt and I can't wait to go. I hope one day I can talk about my cancer story without crying.  For me personally every time I got to a Relay event I get stronger. Let me also say I joined a few support systems online and that have really let me see I'm truly not alone.