Don't judge me

I guess you should know the truth is I DO believe in Jesus Christ. I have accepted Him in my heart and believe in heaven and hell but in the back of my mind sometimes I wonder is it all made up like the Easter Bunny or Santa just to scare us. Nobody wants to think of their loved ones in the ground decomposing so we make up this beautiful place. I wonder about Him dying on the cross and rising from the tomb on the third day for our sins. Again in the back of my mind I think was Jesus just a great communicator that had a huge following and is now a myth/legend.

I have seen how having similar beliefs can bring people together to work for the greater good and I have seen how not agreeing on basic beliefs can tear people apart or bring out the worst in them. So many people in this world have fought and lost lives over Religious preferences. I guess I don't prefer one Religious following over the next. I was raised Baptist and when I'm at my lowest and am on bended knee you can bet that I go back to my roots. I have tried non-dominational and Catholic churches.

Currently I feel like I'm missing this religion train some how. I try to understand why I can read a Bible scripture and you can read the same one and we get two totally different things out of it. Why do we all have different rules in the church we have to follow. Why can't we accept everyone and feel free to go to any church we want and hear the message the pastor/priest has to say? I'm just fine watching it on T.V. I love me some Joel Osteen. I believe going to church doesn't make you any more of a Christian than standing in the garage makes you a car. Sometimes when I hear people talk about going to church everyday for communion or how they never miss church on Wednesdays and Sundays I think what in the world do they feel so convicted about that it ties them down to that schedule other then it being a routine. I still don't understand much about my walk with the Lord but what I do know is He has helped me out of some dark days and showed me the light on more then one occasion.

I'm not baptized as of now. I see His work all around me, opening up peoples hearts and them turning their life over to Him. I'm just not ready for that big step in mine yet. Why? I don't know maybe because I'm a failure and think I can't keep up with all the demands. TRULY how many times can you ask for forgiveness for the same thing? I hate being judged or being a hypocrite and if I want to march in a gay pride parade on Friday, get drunk on Saturday and go to church on Sunday I want to do that and not feel guilty about it. "Don't judge me because I sin differently from you."  I do believe a higher power made the creatures on earth and I call him God. I just feel there is a lot of gray area in-between and I wish I had the answers for so many questions. I don't under stand why we can't have universal religion. Is it because we just can't get along?