Friends till the end

Friends are such a important part of my life. I use to think all I needed was family but over the years I have learned that I also need friends. Hitting the ripe old age of 40 I have finally realized it is okay to enjoy my friends and appreciate my family. Another learning experience over the last few years has been to learn to lean on my friends now more then ever before. I use to have two friends and a lot of acquaintances. Now I have 20 friends and very few acquaintances.

The last few years have been really hard with the big C, moving, and just life! Working to get my feet back under me, dealing with trust issues, and learning to value those that really love me has been difficult. I still love whole heartedly but I feel like I let very few see my soul. I just never want to be hurt again even though I know that is unrealistic. I know everyone has a spin on things but my heart will never be whole. I have lost so much of who I was and that may be a good thing because in losing I have gained so much more. In 2014 my family and friends picked me up and dusted me off and got me on the road to hope. I thank them for that everyday in my prayers.

One of my friends teases me that I put my friends in categories. For example this friend I talk to about Matt only, this friend I talk about the school and kids, this one I just listen and this friend I talk about my family. I don't know if that is true. I just don't invest much anymore. I don't want anyone to have enough ammo to hurt my heart again, I guess. For me now I think of that Tim McGraw song that says, "I became a friend a friend would like to have." That is me!!!

Someone asked me one time don't you hate living in a small town where everyone talks about you and makes up stuff. I laughed and said I love it. I have met the best people, God has me right where He wants me and the truth is I talk about them too! It is human nature. To know me is to love me and I promise you this, if you were ever in my tribe or are still in my tribe I love you and am blessed for what you have taught me. I want to say I'm blessed to have two best friends. One is my mother, she completes me, and I hope to one day be like her. The second is my dear friend Nicole. She saved my life, literally. I don't know where I would be with out her.

I say "Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."—Albert Camus