Motherhood

I have been a mother for 16 years out of 40 years on this earth. I always say we are going to have these kids forever. Thomas is 16, Landon 11, and Payce 8. I worry we will be grandparents before we get our youngest out of school. I will be 48 years old when my last graduates from high school.

Every time Thomas has a birthday I cry the week before his birthday thinking how do I have a kid this old or where did the time go. I wish I was a better mom and of course I'm like dang I wanted to be the hot mom, you know the MIF. He is so much like me in his thinking. He is hard headed, stubborn and when he KNOWS he is right there is no reasoning with him. Some days I want to help him but I know he will have to figure it out on his own the hard way. I love that kid more then he will ever know. In the back of my mind I believe he saved me. He is my rock and I always tease him about being my password to life.

My Landon is the middle one. His birthdays come and go and I don't blink a eye. He will still let me rock him to sleep at 11 because he is my baby kid. He is his daddy made over and he holds a special place in my heart. He is my perfectionist and always puts his best foot forward. On the other hand he is ALWAYS the victim and NOTHING is ever his fault. Some people think he is my favorite but truly I don't have a favorite. He could raise himself right now and he is so easy going!! When I was pregnant with Landon I just knew he was a girl so during the ultra sound when it was a boy I cried and then I cried some more but, every day I thank God for him.

When Matt and I got pregnant the third time whether boy or girl we decided we were done. I prayed really hard for a healthy girl. Boy did I get that and more. She has taught me to be very careful what I pray for and to be a little more specific. She is beautiful, a free spirit, sassy, mouthy and full of herself. Some days I watch her coloring or sleeping when she is quiet and think she is all mine.

Everything we do as a family is an event and nothing ever goes smooth. We are always running around with our heads cut off. I always say we may not have it all together but together we have it all. . Our kids are unique and hard to describe on paper. If you don't really know them you are missing out. They make me get up every morning.

Matt had a son when we got married. He was 2 at the time and is now 19. Austin lives in Texas and works for a company in his hometown. Matt and Austin have a very special bond. A few years ago, Matt and I were introduced to two kids that changed our family's life. We thought we were saving them but truly they saved us. They have now gone home and started thier lives over. I only get to see one of them now. She is going to A&M to become a professor. She is my plus one.

I love being a mother of these 6 amazing kids. It has been 16 years since I have put myself first and this year I have been thinking of me more and what makes me happy and I can tell you these kids may be the death of me but I love them very much and they truly make me happy.